Amethyst Chronicles

From now on, I will change. To avoid him. To avoid getting hurt. To be a better person. But of course withouth changing my attitude towards my seatmates. They're buddies. 😂

Contrary to what I've posted a yesterday, sinabi kong ayoko at natatakot akong magmahal, o makaramdam ng kahit anong feeling na baka magbunga ng deeper affection sa tao. Pero there's this one guy na kaklase ko, I had a crush on him last year but it was only for 1-2 months. But now, there was something we needed to do and he's my partner. At first, I told myself, "Delikado 'to. Madali pa naman akong ma-attach." I became attentive. I tried to avoid him or avoid talking or even just noticing him. Kaso 'di talaga kaya. Wala eh, partner ko siya, so that means magkikita at magkikita pa rin kami. Then I started feeling... jealousy .  At doon na ako kinabahan, I wished and wished that sana it wouldn't develop into something deeper. Na sana, hanggang sa surface lang ako ng tubig at hindi na ako magkaroon ng lakas ng loob na sumisid. Something happened kanina and that's the first time I noticed that I was feeling a tinge of jealousy. There's a progra...

I recently realized that there are two things I'm terrified of the most. First, death . Second, love . I'm scared of it in a sense of "not really, but I really do." I am terrified of both because of one reason: I don't know when or where it will happen.  Natatakot akong sa oras na mamatay ako, wala na akong patutunguhan, dahil hindi ko alam ang mangyayari sa akin kapag nawala na ako sa mundo. Natatakot akong sa oras na mahulog ako at magmahal, hindi ko alam ang dapat na gawin kaya masasaktan ako sa huli. Natatakot ako dahil ayokong maging tanga sa pag-ibig. Ayokong masaktan.